It's like a Window into my Marriage...

Check out this fantastic performance by The Tripods. Does this hit a little too close to home for the married guys out there? Magic Coins... priceless.

Review- Condemned: Criminal Origins

(Xbox 360; $59.99; Rated M for Blood/Gore/Intense Violence/Strong Language; condemnedgame.com)

(four and a half stars)

While Phoenix is defending those wrongfully accused of committing murder, FBI Agent Ethan Thomas is hunting down those who have wrongfully committed murder. Specifically, Agent Thomas is on the trail of the “Match Maker”- a serial killer who poses the bodies of his murdered young women with store mannequins as if they were on a romantic date.

Thomas is blind-sided while chasing the Match Maker who uses Thomas’ gun to kill two police officers and takes off running. Framed for the murder, Thomas has to clear his name while stopping the Match Maker from killing again.

Adding to the madness is the fact that the underbelly of society has become progressively more deranged and unstable, attacking anyone near them. Are the killings and the violence of the homeless, addicted, and deranged connected? Why do I keep having hallucinations? And what’s with all of the dead birds everywhere?

That’s a taste of the atmospheric creep-fest that’s “Condemned.” Isolated from almost all normalcy, players control Thomas through a first-person perspective- relying on a flashlight and sound cues to protect themselves. As there’s a scarcity of firearms and ammunition, players will pick up a cadre of brutal weapons- from pipes to fire axes to mannequin arms- in order to beat his blood-thirsty attackers into the ground.

The developers really know how to create tension and draw it out until becoming sufficiently freaky. Even in the beginning stages, players have to investigate a condemned building while searching for the killer. Unidentified movement can be seen in the distance down dark hallways. The lighting and shadows, combined with the ambient sounds of silence, will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up as you tensely turn corners into who-knows-what.

The game is brutal, disturbing, and really friggin’ cool.

Review- Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

If the Game's a Hit, you Must Acquit

(Nintendo DS; $19.99; Rated T for Blood/Language/Suggestive Themes/Violence; capcom.com)

(three and a half stars)

Now this game is near and dear to my heart as it combines the two things I know the most about: video games and courtroom antics. Being, unfortunately, a part of the Esquire-club means that when I heard a litigation-based video game was being released for the DS- well, I nearly ruined my legal briefs.

“Phoenix Wright” harkens back to the point-and-click adventure games of the PC that have become almost extinct in the current climate of twitch-response action titles. Players control green-attorney Wright as he takes on the defense of the innocent as multiple murder cases develop.

As the stories unfold, Phoenix will have to interview multiple witnesses and examine scenes of the crimes for evidence in the pending trial. Once a full investigation has been completed, the trials begin and Phoenix will have to cross-examine with surgical precision in order to impeach the prosecution’s witnesses and defend his client.

The bravado with which this game treats the courtroom is enough to make any young kid want to take out $100,000 in student loans for a legal education. As Phoenix presses for inconsistencies in their testimony, witnesses will begin to sweat and make mistakes. When it is time to go in for the kill, Phoenix shouts “Objection!” with the muster of a barbarian’s battle cry. It’s enough to make F. Lee Bailey and Jerry Spence file for Substitution of Attorney.

Unlike “Electroplankton,” this is where originality is refreshing. It may not be the most revolutionary, nor even the most engaging, but it’s all the fun of lawyering with none of the billable hours or alcoholism.

Review- Rachet: Deadlocked

Part Running Man, part Walt Disney

(PS2; $49.99; Rated T for Fantasy Violence and Mild Language; rcarsenal.com)

(four stars)

Sure, this game has been out for a couple of months now, but it still hasn’t gotten its due. Instead of making another clone for the “Ratchet and Clank” series, Developer Insomniac took a different route this time around and puts Ratchet into futuristic gladiatorial combat when he is captured and forced to fight for the universe’s #1-rated reality TV show.

Accompanied by two battle robots (who’s banter back and forth is golden), the “Ratchet” series becomes less about platforming action, and more squad-based action. Ratchet will order commands to his bot-companions to aid him in his missions to traverse huge battlefields in order to gain money, weaponry, and ultimately his freedom.

The calling card of the series has always been the insane amount of weapons that are available to the player at any time. The trend continues in “Deadlocked,” only this time players are able to add “Alpha” and “Beta” modifications to the guns for new and improved ways to frag. For instance: combine ammo-capacity mods with acid-bullet modifications, and you’ll rain down poison lead ‘till the bionic cows come home.

Another notable addition to the series is online multiplayer, allowing players to perfect their arena combat skills against real competitors, after mopping the floor with robot zombies in the single player campaign.

Intuitive, loud, and lots of fun- Insomniac still manages to keep the series fresh and festive on its fourth offering for the series.

Review- Electroplankton

Like Nothing? You'll Love this!
(Sorry Katie)

(Nintendo DS; $34.99; Rated E; Nintendo.com)

(one and a half stars)

Look, I’m all for innovative design elements when it comes to gaming. I think Nintendo has put themselves on the line more often than Sony or Microsoft when it comes to unique ideas. But I wasn’t born yesterday; don’t create a tech demo for the DS’s touch screen and microphone and try to call it a “game.”

And if you are going to do that, don’t insult me by charging $35 for it.

“Electroplankton” is created by Toshio Iwai, a media artist from Japan, who combines simplistic visuals (hence the plankton) with music for an experience that’s conducted with the DS stylus.

So “players” rub their stylus across the screen to make the Electroplankton move and respond in different ways to create music across ten different settings. Manipulating different aspects of the environment will alter the music in pitch and tone- and that’s just about it as far as gameplay goes.

But fear not suckers who’ll purchase this game against my recommendation: when you get bored of making your own music (and you will in about 15-20 minutes) you can always play the “Audience Mode” which plays the game for you! Nintendo even suggests you sit back and listen through a stereo with a (not included) audio adapter. Oh, and no, there’s no option to record your music for later playback; that would make too much sense for a music-creation game.

And a sixty-page instruction booklet? For this game? Come on! It’s like you’re trying to make me angry.

One and a half stars: it turns on and does something. What it does, it does satisfactorily; but what it does is far from interesting, and it sure as Shinola ain’t worth thirty-five bucks.

Review- Kameo: Elements of Power

Change is Good?

(Xbox 360; $49.99; Rated T for Animated Blood and Violence; kameo.com)

(four stars)

“Kameo,” like its sister “Perfect Dark Zero,” has a long torrid history of development. It was scheduled for release on the Nintendo Gamecube before its developer was purchased by Microsoft. It promptly became an Xbox-bound title, where it made yearly appearances at E3’s, but was never actually released on the system.

She finally makes her debut on MS’s sophomore system. But is it worth the wait?

As the fairy princess set to rescue her kidnapped family from her wicked sister, Kameo embarks upon a mystical adventure, harnessing the power of the elements and exploring vast landscapes, while battling trolls and other assorted baddies in an attempt to free the Elemental Warriors and her family.

Each Elemental Warrior adds a unique strength to Kameo’s arsenal: Chilla, the yeti-like creature, has the ability to hurl ice spears at its enemies, whereas Major Ruin can roll up into a large ball to launch itself across large chasms. Ten Elemental Warriors, each with distinct power upgrades, can be rescued in total. The challenge comes in solving puzzles that require a distinct elemental power, or in multiple personality changes to crack more complex riddles.

The game is entertaining and beautiful, but the game has as much of an identity disorder as its main character- it just feels out of place on a game system that’s defined by intense action and shooters. The animated look and “Zelda”-inspired visuals target an audience that’s much younger than the demographic of the X360 itself.

Truthfully, I have no idea who is supposed to purchase this game. Are the 15-35 year old males that make up the demographic of the new Xbox supposed to play? If so, it feels too kiddy-oriented. Or is it for their younger siblings, or children, or wives?

Ultimately, “Kameo” is a solid game without an audience- and the best darn looking Nintendo game to ever be on the Xbox.

Can't Stop the Rock

Our friends at Game, Set, Watch pulled my Guitar Hero clip off of the Harmonix myspace site. Here's a quick link to the story.

http://www.gamesetwatch.com/2006/01/are_you_read_to_rock_upn31.php