Bioshocking!

After a lengthy 1.8GB download onto the ol' 360 Hard Drive, I finally booted up the demo of the once-unknown, now highly-anticipated "Bioshock" from 2K games. Though it is a short and sweet demo, meant only to whet the pallet of the curious gamer, I have to say:

Holy Crap!

Not only are the graphics jaw-dropping and the set design something of Hollywood-Gold, but the creepiness that oozes around every corner of this "thinking man's shooter" gave me goosebumps on top of goosebumps. As soon as I walked into the Bathysphere tower and the lights went off- I was creeped out. When the lights came back on, and I was staring at a banner that read "No God, Nor Kings. Only Man." with a gigantic Stalin-esque bust looming over it, I was riveted. The bathysphere ride down to Rapture had me hooked and I wanted to play Bioshock until I red-ringed my 360 for a third time.

It felt like playing Silent Hill for the first time- and next Tuesday can't get here quickly enough. I've already put my order in for the Limited Edition at my local EB. For the Limited Edition you get the soundtrack, a making of DVD, and the Big Daddy action figure? Yea. That's worth an extra ten bucks.

Turn the lights out, pump up the volume, and bring a change of underwear.

The Darkness Review

Xbox 360, PS3;
$59.99;
Rated M for Blood/Gore/Drug References/Intense Violence/Suggestive Themes/Language;
thedarknessisspreading.com



By the end of the day on their twenty-first birthday, most people feel like they’ve been hit by a truck. In Jackie Estacado’s case, the protagonist from “The Darkness” WAS hit by a truck;

Then double-crossed by his mob-connected uncle;

Then blown up.

What do you drink to cure that kind of a hangover?

In Jackie’s case, his near-death is cured by The Darkness- a mysterious power that grants him the power to work his way up the mob-chain exacting some very unique revenge.

The Darkness power manifests itself as two eel-like demons over Jackie’s shoulders. The power of The Darkness is derived from… well… the darkness, so shooting out light sources only keeps Jackie safe and powerful. As Jackie’s power grows, he’ll be able to summon Darklings- little goblins with bad attitudes that can either attack your enemies, dismantle lights to increase your power, or create general chaos to confuse and throw off your enemies.

The presentation and graphics in this title are top-notch. Everything in the main campaign has been developed with care and the Developers have gone through great lengths to remove any HUD or radar in order to give players a greater sense of realism throughout the game. Unfortunately, this also means that getting around without a map is a frustrating effort. Rather than being able to quickly pull up a map of New York to figure out which streets to go down, or what subways to take to get from point A to point B, players have to look at street signs, subway route maps, etc.

Look, I’m all for realism in a video game, but if I have to consult a Thomas Guide and wait for a train before actually proceeding in a game, I might as well just go out and play the game called Real Life. Sure, I don’t have the demonic powers created by The Darkness, but I’m also not being hunted down by the mafia- so it’s pretty much a wash.

All in all thought, the story, voice acting, animations, and cutscenes are top-notch. Sure Jackie’s long black hair and leather trench coat screams character design from the mid-90s, but “The Darkness” is based off of the comic of the same name published during that time. Fans of the comic will appreciate the homage paid to it, all other action junkies will just enjoy making things go boom.

Transformers: The Game Review

$49.99-$59.99;
Wii, 360, PS3;
Rated T for violence;
transformersgame.com



Did you see what I did there with the title? The Transformers: The Game is reviewed, but it looks like a very dramatic post by calling it "Transformers: The Game Review." It's more dynamic and feels like a further leg of marketing for an already overly-marketed franchise.

But I digress...

Now this is what you call synergy- a game that matches the bravado, scope, and and feel of its theatrical counterpart.

And succeeds at being as dull, uninspired, and aimed at the lowest-common denominator as its Box-office Big Brother. I know Transformers, I played with Transformers, and that, Mr. Bay, was no Transformers movie.

Nor is "Transformers: The Game" any type of Transformers game.

I submit to you the first piece of evidence that proves, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the developers' hearts were not into making this game: the button that enables your robot to turn into its vehicle disguise is called...

The "convert" button.

The "CONVERT" button?!

The game is called "Transformers"! It has the operative verb "transform" in the title! It's a game that's whole purpose is to tell the story about robots that transform into vehicles. And yet, we have a "CONVERT" button?

"Transformers: The Game" suffers severely from an identity crisis. It wants to be a racing and an action title all at once, but doesn't succeed in either genre. Its vehicle controls are off-balanced, making driving a chore and unresponsive- not to mention far from intuitive, the gas and break are not assigned to the left and right triggers like every racing game ever made in the history of consoles with left and right triggers.

As a robot, players won't fare much better. Primary and secondary weapons have little effect on any enemy robots except for the most basic of cannon fodder. Any slightly harder enemies will have shields in place making hand-to-hand combat the only solution to defeating them. However, because the melee attacks are assigned to the same button- players will just mash down repeatedly until the foe explodes into a flurry of cogs and gears.

And pretty much that's the game. Drive here, beat up this guy, drive there, beat up that guy. All the while unlocking extra features in the games like videos or the ability to play in the original G1 Transformer skins. Though the graphics are pretty- especially the transforma- excuse me- the conversions, there's not enough substance in the game to warrant purchasing unless your a die-hard Transformers geek. Even then, your money is better spent on the far-superior "Transformers: Armada" released several years ago for the PlayStation 2.

This title only makes me pine for how cool a next-generation "Transformers" game could be given the right amount of time, direction, and development. If only this wasn't a movie tie-in game, perhaps this could have been a fantastic experience; because really: how hard is it to rally behind a game based on giant transforming robots from outer-space?

Oh well, here's to the games we dream about playing.