Review: Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Essentials

Essentially: Not Worth Your Time

(PSP; $39.99; Rated M for Strong Language/Violence; splinercell.com)

(two stars)

While I’m ranting about successful games that translate horribly to Sony’s handheld, I’d be remiss not to point out one of the biggest stinkers released for the system.

Fans of my column (meaning my wife) will know how much I adore the “Splinter Cell” series. As far as covert-ops stealth-action games go- it’s the tops, not to mention the revolutionary and highly intense multiplayer the series introduced a while back.

Yet, what has been dubbed “Essential” is anything but. “SC Essentials” is clearly a not-ready-for-portable-play game. The graphics are sub-par, only a few levels are polished, and the whole of the game is so dimly lit that players are reduced to leaving their night-vision turned on at almost all times. And because it mostly needs to be played in Apple IIe, monochromatic green lighting, it only emphasizes how ugly this game looks at times.

Look developers: I get the fact that you are making a game that, on its console big brothers, has a second analog and four additional buttons. But for crying out loud, when you are giving a second function for every button, have no lock-on system for targeting enemies, create an unfriendly camera system that takes players out of the game, and completely switch the control functions between first and third-person views- shouldn’t that clue you into whether you should have made the game in the first place?

And only a two-player multiplayer? And just spy vs. spy? And only locally? What happened to insanely cool outwit-fests of two-on-two spies vs. mercenaries that we loved on the consoles? Did you forget they existed?

I understand the need to make concessions to fit within the hardware, but come on. If I wanted to ride my bike, but it had flat tires, one pedal, no chain, and faulty brakes- wouldn’t it just be easier for me to walk?

For a supremely better executed stealth-action game for the PSP, I highly recommend Sony’s “Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror.” For the same price, and similar game style, “Syphon Filter” gets everything right, and then some, where “SC Essentials” fails.