Chrome Hounds: Review

(X360; $59.99; Rated T for Mild Language/Violence; sega.com)

(three stars)

Let’s look at another game that requires some strategic forethought before jumping into the fray. “Chrome Hounds” fills that void on the 360 reserved for “Giant Robot Explosi-A-Thons,” and in doing so gives us a game with a post-apocalyptic storyline, some serious customization options for the wannabe bot-builders out there, and a game that is 100% dedicated to online play.

Which is one of the biggest problems with this game- if you’re not part of a team that plays online regularly (aka: a clan), then there’s no point to playing. And if you’re not on Xbox Live, there’s really no point in playing “Chrome Hounds” at all, because the single player campaign only serves as one very long tutorial for the ultimate challenge seen online.

The bread and butter of “Chrome Hounds” lies is in the ever-persistent Neroimus War- an online campaign mode where players swear allegiance to an affiliated country, and battle for total world domination. It’s a lot like a game of Risk, but with less of the plastic choking hazard pieces, and more of the shoulder-mounted rocket launchers- equally as hazardous.

Battling in the Neroimus War means that players will have to join a clan in order to have any fun at this game, as only clan-based battles will turn the tide of the war. Playing in a “pick-up” style match will not affect the persistent and, because of which, is very little fun. And here’s where your dedication to “Chrome Hounds” will either flourish or wane: playing as part of a squad/clan means that each win or loss potentially effects the entire outcome of the global war- and that’s pretty exciting; however joining a squad/clan takes time and (sometimes) practice, not to mention a general level of acceptance from the rest of the members of the squad/clan, so just how much time and effort do you really want to put into a game like this?

Part of the answer depends on how much fun the game is to play in general. Simply: it’s not engaging. Although graphically, “Chrome Hounds” is a beaut to look at when it comes to particle effects, explosions, and other little details, the bland environments and total lack of anything of interest on the screen means players are relegated to staring at the back of their Hounds for most of the game.

Which brings me to the speed of the game, or should I say, the lack of speed in the game. Hounds, even the spryest ones, move agonizingly slow. I realize that if we were actually piloting huge walking tanks, that they may not clip along at the speediest of paces; but for God’s sake, if we’re going to suspend our disbelief long enough to believe that world wars are won and lost by human-controlled nuclear robots, can’t we suspend it just a bit further to believe that these robots can move faster than grandma in her walker?

And its in those types of details where I want my next-gen gaming to be less like a life-simulation, and more like a game. The Xbox 360 definitely needed a fun Mech-based game in its library, but “Chrome Hounds” fails to be it.